I often feel as if there are only two types of people in this world: this time it has nothing to do with Neil Diamond.
This time I am referring to those with whom absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the other sort: out of sight, out of mind.
Maybe you’re one of these people who doesn’t know which category you fall in, but I’m certain you are one or the other. And Id wager you’re the latter. Like me.
It’s hard for me to try to have a relationship with someone I don’t relate to. If you aren’t even in the same country it’s going to be a beastly time finding common ground.
My now hubby/then boyfriend (let’s call him Mike) and I got to talking in our dating years. I confessed that I am against three qualities in a man. My betrothed may never be a musician, a cop, or travel for business. I had my reasons, and I stand by them today.
Musicians make fun flings. In my experiences (and I’ve had nearly four decades of experiencing musicians) musicians struggle with the reality of what waits for them at home when they are famous or fake famous or not famous at all. I can make my own music. I’m sure there are plenty of healthy musician/groupy wife combos, but I’m just not interested. Get your harmonica and get outta here.
Police have the number one divorce rate and many suffer from anger issues. Move your funny baton down the road. I like your boots, man, but no thanks.
And world travelers? This goes back to musician mentality with an added dose of if I got married it means I want to be near you.
I used to think I was pretty harsh in my rules, but I realized I am a quality time girl. I need your bod near mine if this relationship is going to work. So, if you wanna show the love, visit.
Of course I can be reasonable. My Izzy (15) is in El Salvador for ten days. I can remember her for ten days. But I miss her. And I’m bored without her. And I may or may not sit next to her bed while she sleeps off mission trip exhaustion. She will never know. It’s fine! It will only get creepy when she wakes and I talk with her in my scroachy voice* and call her mrs. Taurance while using my finger as a spokesperson.**
I will be honest and say I am a smidgeon concerned about their college years. I mean. These are my kids. I love even their rough spots because they are my babies. What if they go away and they slip my mind because they aren’t close by? I’ve been working on a solution. We are buying a sweet RV. the big ones. The mansion types. When we retire, we will drive it from kid to kid, wherever they end up, and visit for a month at a time. Then in the winter, The Man and I will hole up in Costa Rica.
They’ll visit. I’m sure they’ll visit.
In the meantime, I’m going to work at being purposeful with anyone who isn’t automatically in my every day. Because I still love all of you. I just forget to show it.
My girl comes home this weekend. We will watch an episode of Gilmore Girls and laugh before the funny things happen and quote it and she will say again that it’s weird to her that I may be a real life Lorelai because “she tries to be funny even when it’s a really serious situation. She’s awkward”. And I’m going to choose to take it as a compliment because funny is my safety mechanism. Ahh. Life as it should be.
*dear Addie. Thank you again for this new word. Scroachy.
**all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.