Praise the Lord!! We found a house!!! It’s a beaut Clark! Thanks for all your prayers. Wanna stay for dinner? Wanna stay forever?
Surreal: that’s the word I sense when I look at my life right now. A month ago I was fighting for contentment. We were brewing compost tea and looking forward to our new little girl hens offering fresh eggs. Our garden was flourishing, and I was making headway in my book. For real.
Then I read Flower Patch Farm Girl and she spent an entire post saying “Anything, God. I am up for anything. I will do anything. What’s that you say God? Sure. I can do that and anything else you want. I love you more than me. I want to love them more than me. Anything”. I felt inspired. But I was wimpy and trying to be honest with myself. So I whispered, “lord. I could do anything” but then I screamed “BUT DON’T MAKE IT HURT!!”
Then I picked up the phone. We aren’t wanna be homesteaders anymore. We aren’t contemplating that five acres we had our eye on. Mike is no longer considering cowboy boots and a riding mower.
Instead I am imagining where to put my new dressers and where I want the tv. Instead I am working on lesson plans to keep kindergarten kiddos entertained for the year. Instead I am considering which new gym to join and thinking up organization techniques that will make simple tasks of our new lives: two full time working parents and five kids in school full time.
It’s not that any if this is bad. It’s just that now I need to embrace a different lifestyle. We lived here for seven years, but it’s as if we are starting all over. I don’t want to feel down. When people ask if I am happy to be back, I want to say thrilled and mean it. But I need time to process.
I read psalms to help me. I read psalm 1- one of my total faves. I repeated the word “anything. Anything, Lord” because even through the whisper, I meant it. Even through my fears and so much unknown. I meant it. God showed me that I can be like a tree planted by streams. Fruitful. Plentiful. I felt good about myself that God was speaking to me. That I was feeling his reassurance. I even extended myself grace during this transition time. I allowed myself the opportunity to just focus on me and my house and my family. I am obviously so great. It’s not like I have to jump right into life. It’s summer after all. Sigh.
Then he showed me the verse that says “in EVERY season, I produce fruit.” and he brought back the words I whispered. “anything, Lord”. Then I spent time repenting that I am an idiot. That I could lead the parade for idiots. And I thanked him again for ever allowing me to be part of anything for his kingdom.
I am trying to be fruitful. I am willing to do anything. Sigh. Anything Lord.
We are moving in to our house tomorrow. Prayers and any abled bodies are welcome.