I have a friend named Nat;
she knows just where I’m at.
She laughs at my jokes,
and she gets me my smokes
half price at the corner store.

She gave birth to a girl,
We will call her monkey.
She gave birth to a boy,
a pirate with a pet flea.
Two punks I sure adore.

Now, for the man she loves
those two are turtle doves.
He calls her Hot Toes Nat,
and she calls him Chris Hef
They smooch and smooch galore.

She says the weirdest words
donesky, Clyde, and biscuit,
She’ll talk about your mom,
and tell you your da’bomb
and make you laugh til you pee on the floor.