It’s 11:10; do you know where my sleeping pills are?

OK! Fine, I don’t take sleeping pills. Really, I take about zero pills. I’m one of those essential oil weirdos and proud of it. Might make that last saying a shirt. And my friend who started me on that crazy weirdo essential oils actually works for a screen printing company, so she could totally hook me up!

Not the point.

My point is it’s late at night. It’s been a very long day of wrangling children to school, wrangling a classroom of sweaty 5th graders who still don’t seem to know they out number me, trying to muster the self-control not to eat the candies our secretary hides in her desk just for the teachers (hangs head in shame), birthday parties, gymnasium workouts, and the eating. OH the eating.

I have a busy life. Good but busy. I am busy with all the things I want to do, and possibly a couple things I could live without (aka dear dishes. Why can’t you be more like paper plates and handle yourself?) But recently I joined the gym.

It’s January; why shouldn’t I? Of course I should. And I am killing it. And by killing it, I mean I am more aware of my rolls and I can’ t stop eating. I feel one of those cyclical stories about to happen. I call this one If You Take Me To The Gym.

If you take me to the gym, I am going to work up an appetite. And I will probably ask you for an omelet (which means I will just snack on these pretzels and mound of almond butter while it cooks). Of course he saltiness of the pretzels will make me thirsty, so I will ask for a glass of water.

When we are at the fridge getting the water, I will notice the orange juice and ask for a small glass. After I gulp down my juice, it will remind me of how much I love oranges and that I still have at least three minutes left until my omelet is finished, so I will eat a Cutie.

That itty bitty orange will remind me of that time we had mini-muffins, and I will ask you to check to see if there are any in the pantry. You look and find one. It’s blueberry and delicious. My omelet is finished, and as I carefully adorn it with A-1 sauce, I realize my mind is elsewhere.

I begin eating my omelet, all the while thinking of those blueberries. And, naturally those blueberries remind me of a most delightful spinach salad I took to lunch last week which just so happens to be filled with quinoa, spinach, pumpkin seeds, and, you guessed it, blueberries. I’ll ask you to go to the fridge to get me one.

There is one left, which I devour in three minutes. It’s amazing, and I have to tilt the miniature plastic ball to get every drop of the vinaigrette dressing. I realize I haven’t even bothered to close the refrigerator, and peak in just in time to see the almond butter on the top shelf. Seeing the almond butter makes me want to dip a salty snack in there, so naturally, I head for the pretzels. And chances are, if you give me those pretzels, I am going to need a refreshing drink of water to wash them down.

I realize this story doesn’t get me back to the gym, but let me just be frank and tell you I am going to the gym about 4 out of 7 days in the week, and this runaround comes from one day’s workout. Now multiply that fat camp by four workouts and let me lie down. With a smoothie. Because I am hungry.




And because I am a Gooney, Goonies never say die. No. Goonies say, “Can I get just one more bite of that?”