I can’t believe this post has taken me so long to get out. My apologies, friends. This last week was a doozy for our family. But I am here now, and SUPER ready to talk about my girl Hannah.
Is she unreal? It feels like it, but I think she is about as real as it comes. When I read her story, I feel like I don’t just learn from her hard earned lessons like some of the previous ladies we’ve read about. Instead, her story has become my story. I want her approach to be my approach. She is life goals for me.
I deeply believe there is no greater proof of God than our own testimonies. I mean miracles are awesome, peace is amazing, and creation is so impressive. But people attempt to come up with all sorts of explanations for those. But no one can tell my story like I can. And no one can tell me my story. That’s between me and Jesus and anyone else I plan to share it with.
Hannah’s story became my story so early on. My baby boy was only weeks old. He was sick-breathing was a struggle, and he would sleep on my chest each night. When he would stop breathing I would wake him by giving him a back pat or a nudge. He would gasp and go back to breathing. This went on for weeks. Months. And I prayed constantly. I had plenty of time because I wasn’t sleeping. Like, at all. If I wasn’t keeping him breathing, I was attempting to raise my four year old daughter. My husband worked three jobs, and I was drowning. In every way.
We had two kids and we had lost three previous babies; one at six weeks, one at nine weeks, and one at eleven. No matter how much I reached out, no one seemed to hear me. People would stop by and say things like, “you should clean your house more,” or, “everything is going to be just fine.” And then they would leave, and I would be back to not sleeping and functioning in fear and despair.
After weeks of this, when my son was nine weeks old, I got pregnant with my daughter. It was unexpected, and I was a mess with emotion. I was so sleep deprived and hormonal after having my son. I believed anything that popped in my brain. And I was just trying to hold it together. And then came Layla Grace.
I “met” Hannah the day I found out I was pregnant with Layla. I was so far out of my element. It wasn’t true, but I felt isolated and alone. I felt like I had no words to describe my fear and frustration. I had been a Christian for about twenty years by this point, but this would mark the first time I ever went straight to God with my fear. And lead me he did. Right to 1 Samuel.
Hannah’s heart was for a child. She was a wife, but she wanted to be a mother. She not only lived with this hurt, she lived with a woman (her husband’s second wife-the mother to many) who teased her. For years. She hurt for years. Her response? She went to God. Right to his footstool and prayed with abandon. In Hannah’s story I found my own redemption. God took my fear, and I had one of the most enjoyable pregnancies a girl could ask for. I was so sure Hannah’s story was my story that I told my husband we were to name this baby Samuel. Of course we opted to save that name for a later date when we found out our sweet blessing was a girl.
Praise to God, he brought me to a doctor that said my Elijah had sleep apnea. He had some tests done and some diet changes, and was ultimately healed by God. And because God is a master writer of stories, he overruled our not-at-all-thought-out-plan to be done having kids and gave us two more babies. The final bookend being Samuel.
God is an unbelievable redeemer. He cares so deeply for us. He cares for every tear. And, friend, he cares for you right here in what your are going through. Be Hannah and seek him. At the risk of seeming crazy, drop to your knees and seek his face. He will show you that nothing is wasted. Maybe thousands of years from now, just like Hannah, your story will give someone what they need to keep going.
How about you? What is your biggest take away from this week’s story?
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3 thoughts on “Infertility and a Little Too Pregnant: Remarkable Housewives Week 4”
Wow. Your story makes you the strong woman you are today, forsure!
This one was hard for my brain to wrap around and connect. I truly only was able to hear and connect to Hannah’s story once you pointed out some key elements of her story.
I’ve surrendered to God, actually daily in my journey.
I start with morning God,asking what fun we shall get into today And I usually end with let’s get this show on the road God or let’s do this!
When others don’t understand my struggle with not being a 100% human and still learning. I constantly have to get my knees and pray for myself and ask God for help and cry out. (Just like Hannah) Because I think I’m amazing! Hard for others to see it when they are still mourning the loss of the 1.0 version of me. Flesh is the same….but the insides are so different. Makes it very challenging on all parties!
I guess I connect with her also on the torment side of things. In the beginning people would say I’m lying, not making sense,didn’t now what I was talking about. (Well duh, I had a sack of blood in my head taking away my life one day at a time).
And once all the weeds left my garden and I began to really grow. I started getting it again but in the form of why don’t you just understand, can’t you just think before you speak, just get up and move and you’ll be fine.(again well duh)
Many days I had to lay it down to God and get on my knees and ask for help and give him all my bully weeds. (Like Hannah)
I keep praying I can continue to hear Hannah’s story as I grow and not loose focus of leading with love and grace as she did and taking it all to God always.
Thanks for opening up about your story it really helped me connect with this week’s lovely lady.
Janessa, thank you for your encouragement.
One of the biggest things I take from Hannah’s story is how to wait in a difficult situation while still seeking God. Sometimes I want to put space between us because I think he’s not acting when I think he should or how he should. I get frustrated and I don’t want to be frustrated with God, so I pull away. Hannah didn’t. She pressed very deeply in at the risk of seeming nuts. I love it.
🙂 I love it too. Well if Hannah can risk being nuts I know we can too haha.
Waiting is not for human kind I’m learning and I can see myself at moments starting to get that way as well. But I think through practice we will get there!
Those are the moments when God wants you to lean in even more so
When I get frustrated and impatient I’m starting to slow myself and then I turn it back and pray the prayer over like a broken record but before and after I say the serenity prayer. It’s been my saving grace in moments of frustration.
Reminds me to not run from God but run to him 🙂 even if I’m running and screaming at first haha he wants us in all ways even in not getting our way times and frustrated with him times!
I find such peace in knowing that he will help us work through our times when we want him to do something our way or we get crabby with him.
The serenity prayer has been very powerful for me like a big hug from God to calm me down and remind me that we will get through it together and everything will happen in it’s time.
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