This is true of so many things. People eating chocolate when you woke up thinking diet, for instance. Also, four o’clock. This morning, like at least 3 out of 5 week day mornings, I awoke between 2 and 4. Actually. I might be lying. I popped my right eye open, and then I read my clock. 4:01. That’s a stupid time.
It happens SO much now that I’ve developed a few strategies. When my husband is gone, I catch up on emails, blogs, postings, Instagrams, iPhone games. It’s all nonsense, so why WOULDN’T I look into it in the middle of the night? When he is home, I just lie there in what feels like a beside myself manner. I go over my day to come and what’s for dinner and who I should call and how I could rearrange my closet. The most bizarre things occur to me during this time.
“I used the last of the milk in the potatoes. No milk for breakfast.”
“I told a friend I could watch her baby, but I just remembered I am supposed to take my own child somewhere.”
“Shoot. That email I sent was missing the attachment.”
“I sneeze. Every time I use the downstairs soap I sneeze for at least five minutes. I am allergic to lavender. Why did I buy lavender soap? Why do I keep using it?”
Helpful, but untimely. I have ranged from teary at the sight of these awful hours on my alarm clock to morose. From just-give-in-to-it to maybe-I-could-be-productive. It really just depends on the morning. This morning, I gave in.
4:01 eyes popped wide open. I chose to lie in bed until 4:36. Not a minute sooner. I came downstairs, chose water over coffee (obviously my mental state is questionable), and opened my computer to iTunes and THE BOOK. I edited a chapter. I stumbled upon some pictures from 2004 and 2006. I laughed out loud once before I realized it was the ungodly time. And then I ate breakfast.
It was one of the most productive days I’ve ever had. OK!? THERE. I said it. But now it’s 8:30 pee em. I can’t keep my eyes open. I want coffee. And the only reason I want to stay awake is to watch television. To be specific, New Girl. Which is recording. Because I didn’t actually cancel my cable yet. I was too tired.
I’m not sure how long I can keep this up.
The Girl With the Shifty Eyes and Drool on One Side