I prefer to be hemmed in. Not just surrounded by seemingly safe boundaries. More like if I was a little shorter I might insist God swaddle me in a baby blanket. Super tight. Super secure. Maybe leave my arms out because I’m handsy. Rather I talk with my hands.
So, when God asked me to step into one of the scariest- who am I kidding? This is THE scariest place I’ve been in a while. Anyway. When God started make it known that he wanted me to set my fears aside and follow him down this slightly different path I nearly lost it. I’m still losing it.
I’m looking around and missing my four safe invisible walls of fake security. I know they’re fake, but they give me the sense that I’ve got a semblance of control. I told myself I set up safe boundaries to protect my heart. To keep some people from walking all over me. This was in my control.
But, I control nothing. Fake walls hem in nobody.
So I started asking questions. You know. Like Christians are always saying we shouldn’t do. “Don’t ask God why. He hates that.” He does? Or do people hate questions they can’t answer because it makes us realize we control nothing? No answers suddenly equals invisible walls of fake security. What a cluster.
Anyway, I asked God “what is it exactly that I’m scared of?” And he helped me realize it isn’t that I’m just fearful. It’s that I don’t trust him enough.
I volley between not believing he will provide the next step and believing he can’t pull me back in if I get too far off his course. It’s like the world’s worst tennis match, and I’m on both sides.
But he can. Because he says no one can pluck me from his hand. I don’t have to keep depending on these invisible walls that aren’t really there. I don’t have to keep pretending I’ve set up boundaries for the good of myself or others.
He’s big enough and trustworthy enough and safe enough that I can take crazy audacious steps of faith and know that he. Is. There.
He. Is. Safe.
And he loves me enough to leave the other 99 sheep who seem to have it all together and come look for me. And then he follows that up with Grace and peace and love and about ten other things I don’t deserve.
Are you being asked to stand or wait or dig or jump or leap or some other verb? You can trust God to be there. Every step. Every minute of the tough and good stuff. And if you go crazy he will reel you back in.
Forget about what is controllable and what could be and what could go wrong. Just lean.
Lean right in.