But not just any man. Finding a godly man is vital to raising kids.
I married Handsome when I was 19. He was a hair over 19. I didn’t have a clue who I was even though I was probably the center of most of my own attention, so how could I even fully understand who he was? The answer to that is, “I didn’t”.
Thankfully, God knew. Like he always keeps knowing. He knew the sort of man Handsome would be. God knew the incredible father that was idling in that heart of his. I only knew the kind of father I didn’t want for my kids. I had a list.
No traveling spouses.
And no cops.
Of course the musician one was a tricky one because boy do I love a guy who can sing to me. Or Jesus. But no. I was raised around musicians. I grew up in recording studios, and while I loved that, I knew my heart and sassy attitude couldn’t take this lifestyle. No musicians.
No traveling because, hello. I married you because I want to be near you and I want our kids to know you. Also. I’m a real out of sight out of mind girl. I get too independent too quickly. I want to want my husband.
And no cops because I read somewhere they had the highest divorce rate. I was 18. Give me a break. Let’s just be impressed it was based on actual research and not the fact that firemen are so much sexier in a uniform. Sorry. Off topic.
Ever grateful for God’s work in my life and my husband’s life, I can look back now and see what an amazing father my husband has always been. Not knowing the qualities of a godly father, I didn’t know what to even look for. Plus. Did I mention I was 18?
Girls, when you date a guy, ask yourself if he will make a good father. Is he kind? Or is he the kind of guy who walks in the door first?
Does he lead in love? Does he pray for you and with you? Does he respect his mother? Does he have a relationship, just him and Jesus? Or are you the only reason he goes to church?
Does he respect authority or is he a complainer about his work and boss and circumstances?
Is he giving even when it doesn’t make sense to give? Or is he always looking for ways to cut corners and do the least amount of work possible?
Does he look to God to lead his life?
Is he a protector? Does he hold down a job? Or does he spend most of his time ignoring you while he plays a video game?
These and so many more answers will help you begin to see what sort of father these men will become. The sort of father that is already buried in there just under the surface.
Choose godly men. Pray specifically for God to build up these qualities in your man.
Single moms, this attribute of godly men isn’t only found in our spouses. Every Sunday I show up to church and see we are becoming more and more evenly matched in gender count. Gone are the days of churches full of women because the men are _______ (fill in the blank with their location or activity).
Surrounding our children, especially our sons, with men who crave what God craves. Men who aren’t afraid to be strong and lead and be last and serve. Find a man who builds you up with his words AND his actions. Who isn’t challenged when you are succeeding in your career or ministry, but find a man who encourages you to keep pressing in and pressing on.
Uncles, older brothers, youth leaders, pastors, worship leaders, your friends’ husbands, responsible teenage boys, elders, and neighbors. These are some of the men our children need around them.
Even if Dad is in the picture and a great dad, our children need many influences and encouragements in their lives. My husband can have a crazy schedule some days. There is no substitute for a man like Handsome, but he doesn’t need replacing. He needs support.
Just like moms need other moms to step in and say exactly the same thing about the same thing help our girls do something about that thing.
I absolutely love the relationship my kids have with their uncles. Just yesterday, my youngest brother (although to be clear he is much much older than I am. naturally) agreed to match the money my son raised for an upcoming mission trip. My son, 15, needs men like this. Our kids need men like this. Find yourselves godly men.