OH THE DOUBT.
Where do you stuff it when it is too big to fit anywhere inconspicuously?
So, suckiness is happening. My first reaction is a desperate need to have an answer to the questions.
Then, I said, “Lord help me not to need answers.”
This is the toughest spot I have ever found myself in. God has equipped me to be a problem solver, a leader, a go-getter, a warrior, a take-no-crap-from-nobody girl. He has also created me just as he created everyone else: in need of Him alone.
So as I look around me, I am scrambling to find that sweet spot in the center of the scales. That place that I can remain without tipping the balance too far in my direction. That place that means I give over and give in so I can lean in to God and not on me. That place that seems impossible to see because I am clouded. I can only see immediate and worry. I want to see that place. I am afraid it isn’t going to come in one sweeping movement though. It is likely to come in super small steps and be there long before I realize. That is usually how it works. I cannot do that; I can only be available for that.
So, I just get to do what I can to keep on that path. I just get to be obedient in the little things. This is where my scandalous friends would tell me to pull up my big girl panties and deal.
Well, I AM DOIN’ IT! Don’t watch though. I don’t do well with an audience.