Don’t Ask if You Don’t Want to Know

I often tell my children not to ask questions if they don’t want to know the answers. Do I look cute? Well, I would change….
Do these jeans make my butt look fat? A little.
Do you think I am rude? Sometimes.
DON’T ASK if you don’t want to know. This is a motto that could never be said enough. So, when the douche bags at Bank of America asked me what I thought of my last customer service experience, I told them:

Over a decade ago, Bank of America “shined” when money was taken out of my account by mistake (YOUR mistake, not mine) and my checks bounced. That happens. Computers get crazy. What is not OK is how little your bank was willing to do to help. I worked hard to let everyone I know how little I care for your style of banking.

Now, against our wishes, you acquired our loan when our original lender went out of business. My husband and I are full-time students. We have five small children, and I work part-time as a teacher. My husband has served as a firefighter and a city worker for the previous seven years. We do not pay bills late. We teach our children that integrity and character are a person’s greatest assets. Our reward for choosing to live this way is your customer service. Super. My husband was laid off from the fire department. I called to see if there was any help you had to offer, and instead you made me speak to the most unhelpful person birthed in all of America. I asked to speak to a supervisor or manager and was told there was nothing she could do. (Just so we are clear, that is why I asked to speak to a supervisor or manager.)

My favorite moment may have been when I explained our situation, and she repeatedly told me the only help she could offer me was 31% off of my bill. WOW!? I thought, really? Oh, wait, she followed that up EVERY time with, but you do not qualify for that. Hmmmm. Maybe I am not understanding. So, I repeated what she said to me, and she replied something along the lines of yes, that is what I can offer you, only you don’t qualify. I asked how I would have qualified, and she said if only we had taken our loan out in January rather than April. I don’t actually know what this means. Does the month of my application alter the level of need?

I don’t mean to brag, but I am fairly educated, but I was not able to make sense of what she was offering me. She had no answers; how am I supposed to have answers? I am not a trained Bank of America employee, but clearly if she is the standard by which I have to appear successful, maybe I could be, even without training. Her final word on the matter was her willingness to help us make a payment plan for all of our late payments. Well, thanks, but remember when we don’t have any? So you can pat yourselves on the back that you have yet again been unhelpful. You have AGAIN proven that you are the sort of company that cares more about the money and working the system in your favor than your customers. And, my parting words will be thank you for being consistent. I wish I could think of something more, but I was also raised to say nothing if the only thing you can think of is rotten.

The end.